I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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