Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
