I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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