I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
