that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize