I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
