i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
