I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
