the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
