Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Come share oat with me in your robe
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
