I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
