It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
