Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
