I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
