My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
