I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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