i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
