porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
