Screwed.edu
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
