I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
