Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
