Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
