but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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