does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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