Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Shame is for Republicans.
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