Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
