I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
