he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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