me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
