we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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