I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
