My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
