Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
