I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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