i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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