I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
