Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
