I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You took a bar mat shot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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