Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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