I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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