dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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