I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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