tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
