Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
