Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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