Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know her cup size but not her name....
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