I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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