How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
