This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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