I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
