Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
