i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
