Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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