Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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