His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
