I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
