we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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