My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
