Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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