from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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