Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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