Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
