At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
