sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
