walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
