Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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